This is the story of how our friend became known as Pink Starfish.
And also butt stuff.
I actually popped my bootyhole cherry before my regular one. Sixteen years old, drunken fumblings, rain soaked and kinda drunk in a tent with a boy I barely knew. I wasn’t just wet from the rain, had no idea what I was doing and…
And I ran, I ran so far away.
Popped my actual cherry a few days later and by comparison it didn’t hurt one bit.
One would think I would have been scared off butt stuff forever, but with patience lube and foreplay, I actually really like it. Not all day every day, actually absolutely no daytime anal ever, but for funsies, it’s a treat now and again. It’s the luxury of having actual time to spend, effort with reward and I get opiate like orgasms with these amazing warm rushes of awesome radiating out from my core.
Cue the bootyhole memes.
Sounds almost cute when you call it a bootyhole.
Human Serotonin is ‘dating’ this colossal giant of a man. She has stolen the Queen Buttstuff Champion title. This dude is ginormous. And I haven’t even told her about the Robaxecat trick. Just take one or two half an hour before butt stuff, possibly with a whiskey chaser.
Someone remind me to tell her, so maybe she can start sitting properly on chairs again.
I get it though. That want and need. The fullness factor. I am just not sure if I could handle it from a literal giant.
But I’d try.
Angelface put it best “it made me feel like his good little whore.”
Then there was that time I got adventurous and threw a leg up over his shoulder just to see how deep the rabbithole goes and ended up stuck on the Skybridge with traffic down to one lane and sex cramps like I have never felt before, cranking music to drown out my moaning.
So there’s that then.
I was getting a blow out yesterday with a new hairdresser and we did the chit chat thing. She told me some pretty personal stuff and kinda winced like I was going to judge her. Like a dog that’s been kicked too many times you know? Fuck I remember that feeling all too well, biting my tongue till it bled because I was afraid of judgement and ostracism by my peers.
I got shushed on a first date because I spoke openly about sex. I stopped walking and said ‘if this is going to be a problem take me home.’ He didn’t.
I finally found the golden key to freedom and enlightenment.
If I have to watch my mouth around people…
THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOT MY PEOPLE.
My PIC drunkenly wandering into the Playboy sex store on Bourbon Street in NOLA and buying a black, bedazzled princess plug. Our girly Sunday brunches where we ask to be put in the mezzanine away from other people because we know how we sound. Honest and crass and happy. They are home to me.
7 of us have a group chat where we talk about everything from boys to brunch to butt stuff. Holding each other up and together as a collective of awesome.
I am wondering if it’s just us that talk like this.
I hope not. This is the light and the way…
Me: So, I need permission to pull a couple quotes out of here for an article, everyone gets a nickname so it’s anonymous
Angelface: oooh what’s my nick name!
Angelface: Omg I love it. Yas permission granted
Me: Also, I haven’t written in like a month and it was killing me. I am fucking grateful for this convo and some inspiration finally. Love you bitchez
PIC: I’m excited to read the article
S______: Permission. Do I get a nickname?
Me: Your punk starfish shit dick comment in there but no names
Oh fuck. I think your nickname is pink starfish from now on. Sorry bout that
Conversations varied yesterday from ‘should I get that tattoo’ to armpit hair, to Angelface needs to get laid something fierce.
Later that same day…
Panda: Every now and again I get to that perfect drunk where I wanna get fucked hard…”PUT IT IN MY ASS” usually comes out…to which I immediately retract lmao
Manda Bear: I don’t like it hard necessarily. But I want to know you’re a sexual animal beast man from time to time. Butt stuff after wild rose cleanse and spicy food, Not the best idea I have had
Pink Starfish: OMG HAHAHA this is the best conversation ever!
PIC: I love getting fucked in the ass
Pink Starfish: I don’t see the appeal
PIC: It’s sooooo good
Me: Different kind of orgasm
Pink Starfish: It doesn’t do anything for me except give me anxiety that there will be on his dick and stretch my little star fish out.
PIC: Well I mean… shit happens.
Everyone knows what the possibilities are.
They are aware.
AngelFace: My ex used to have a dick like a golf pencil and couldn’t use it. But he was amazing fucking my ass. And I felt like his good little whore after
Pink Starfish: Pencil dick in the ass. I’m okay with that.
Manda Bear: I’ve done it a few times, I’ve never liked it I don’t get it doesn’t feel good, it’s more of a mental thing, like look at me I’m a big girl I can take a dick in the ass!
Although having my ass licked is a whole new game
Pink Starfish: Tossed salad alllll day!
Do you lick your guy’s ass?
Manda Bear: I have done many bum things to a man. I have done more bum things to a man than a man is done bum things to me
Me: My ex used to like it up the butt but he also had some fairly gay tendencies, like kissing dudes when he was wasted, so there is that then.
I do so hope and pray that it isn’t just us that talks this way.
I want to invite the hairdresser out to brunch and show her a whole new world. Too many girls out there lying back and thinking of England or using sex as a dangling carrot to modify their partner’s behavior. I pity them, I truly do.
Once I found people I could talk openly to, my sex life opened up too.
I got more comfortable with my body and her wishes and wants.
And sometimes, my body wants butt stuff.