“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”— Carl Jung
This is true.
Knowing your own darkness also makes it easier to see your light.
I am not one to waste or kill time, or to wish it away it’s much too precious a thing…but as I sit on the precipice of a double, in the cold, damp rain…I wish Sunday would hurry up and get here. (this was also true, on Thursday)
It’s Sunday, we finally made it.
I’ve been awake for 1 hour and 13 minutes.
When I woke up at 8:12am it felt like the whole town I live in was still asleep.
I took my cue from the birds and stayed awake, they are so happy today, as am I.
It’s a glorious day, the sun is shining, I shall not squander this.
I was thinking it hadn’t been this warm since February, but my version of ‘not squandering’ meant I sat on my porch, coffee in hand and scrolled relentlessly through Facebook and Instagram for about an hour and 12 minutes and Facebook told me it was 18 degrees 10 days ago.
I remember that day.
I could’ve gone back to bed. I wanted to. I worked last night and had vowed to not get overly drunk, and well… I kinda sobered up by the time I came home. Still had the shakes and a foggy head as a war raged between what my body wanted to do and what my brain said was best.
My brain won. Body has decided this is okay.
Summer is coming. In fits and starts, but it’s coming.
I sat outside of my day job last week as it snowed and rained simultaneously, with that cold, damp feeling that had set into my bones and I wondered if I would ever be warm again. I could not bring to mind what the parking lot looked like in the summer, in the sunshine even though I tried.
Today is better. Yesterday I wanted to shut the gray curtains against the grey skies because I was tired of looking at it, so when the sun snuck through my window this morning and landed on my face it felt like a kiss from a long lost lover.
I love that my window faces east.
I’m wondering if I would have such an appreciation for the brief yet glorious summer I experience as a Canadian girl.
Maybe if I had lived somewhere more equatorial as a kid I wouldn’t. But I just lived through my 42nd Canadian winter, I am good now. I have enough muscle memory stored of days the air hurt my face, the never ending search for the answer to the age old question ‘how many hoodies is too many hoodies?’ slush in boots etc.
The last 3 years I’ve gotten to escape to Florida with its perpetual sunshine and the ocean for 3 of the worst weeks here. I know this is a blessing and I try not to squander that either.
I think that might be the secret of life. ‘Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.’ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe —
We all know how enduring I am, and ever since I learned to find the joy in the little things it has been abundant.
Especially lately.
I think when you see miracles in everyday things, the universe wants to show you more.
God just wants to be loved (The Color Purple)
Part of being loved is being seen and appreciated, in all your glory or all your mess. Someone looking at you when you are down without judgement, knowing this too shall pass and the sun will come back out eventually.
I fall down and falter, but I also rise and shine.
Cruz and were talking in the car the other day, he said something about never being in a relationship with anyone that doesn’t treat you like your best friends do.
Well, ain’t that the truth.
They love me, sometimes it’s tough love but it’s always unconditional.
This is new to me.
Now I wonder, would I have such and appreciation for the way things are now if I hadn’t lived through the winters of my discontent?
Unlikely.
I’m grateful for every grey minute of my past, makes this sunshine feel so much warmer and brighter by comparison.
