Sometimes my fingers get so itchy longing for a keyboard.
My muses just love to sit with me in the car and babble sweet somethings in my ear.
Or, like this morning, they were chirping away like birds on a wire as I tidied the things I said I wouldn’t because I want him to come home to clean and peace.
I was thinking, repeatedly and for quite some time now, that I have no idea how to be in a relationship.
But maybe I do a little.
I will tell you right now however, that in the rulebook, if ever there was one written, one of the big bad “NO’s” would be if you are having trouble with your partner, do not, I repeat do NOT write a blog post about it and stick it up on the interwebz.
But I did that.
It’s interesting to me that, from time to time, I have left messages here hoping and praying that they would be read by certain someones. Things I was scared to say out loud but I wanted someone to know. They went unheeded, for the most part.
And then this.
This man who by his own admittance, is not a big reader, checks on here daily to see what is happening in my head. Because he wants to know.
And he read it.
And I got the inevitable text, the one that usually strikes terror in the hearts of most. “We have to talk.”
And I wasn’t afraid. I had already made peace with whatever came because it could only get better. Whether it was to get better together or apart was the only lingering question.
We had to talk. I had to talk and I had to be heard.
So we talked.
He did most of it, I had already said what I needed to say, left it here in black and white to be mulled over slowly. He said more words than he has spoken in a week. Secrets of his universe and inner workings tumbling out of his mouth like an avalanche, tearing down trees and changing the landscape.
It had to change.
After the dust settled everything became so much clearer.
I have been where he is and I know my way out.
Maybe I do know how to be in a relationship because all I have to do is the opposite of what has been done to me before now. Don’t run, don’t judge, hang on, hold fast, listen…really listen and instead of imagining the things about the other person that are different as flaws, recognize them as just a separate set of gifts.
Symbiosis is not a state of two identical things making it work, it’s is two separate, yet equal entities thriving off their differences.
I wish he could see (so I am writing this here) that he is a god among men for the simple reason that everything he is, everything he has, he has built on his own, without instruction, praise or examples to be led by.
He is a good man and a good partner because he decided to be those things. Built a house with no foundation, found himself without a map and makes me stronger by proxy.
Nothing is the same as it was before you got here Ria Mae