Good Wife Bad Wife (take one)

February 3, 2015
original artwork by Angelique Houtkamp

2 things happened.
I should probably just assume all y’all know it’s always two things.
I rarely have a singular revelation. Ima Gemini.
If I ever do, you might want to duck and cover for it is the coming of the lesser known horseman of the apocalypse, the Lone Epiphany.
Everybody knows good cop bad cop, yes?
Let’s extrapolate. Good wife bad wife.
Now make those into one woman, yes me. (It’s always about me).
Walking around in the same body, daily playing that dynamic.
It was ugly, told you Anthony earned his sainthood.
I read an article http://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog.php?blogid=610%2FI-Wasn-t-Treating-My-Husband-Fairly-And-It-Wasn-t-Fair#T4zo3tOvJZXJc5ry.01
I saw myself in it. I didn’t like looking in that mirror at all, it reflected the screaming nagging harpy I was.
Now on what planet is it more important to be right than to love the one you are with?
Apparently I visited said planet and brought back a parasite, I never want to go back.
My nagging had purpose though god dammit. I had to be as unlikeable as possible so he had to prove over and over that he liked me because I had a GIANT hole in my ego that needed filling.
I grew up in a house where the squeaky wheel got the grease. I fell back on what I knew.
Ya, that makes all the sense.
I have the ability to look back at everything I ever did, objectively, and see where I went wrong.
I also have the ability to apologize and adapt.
I read another article.
It’s a thing I do.
2-1+1=2 but not the same 2 as you started with.
Follow my logic.
First article ‘I found myself berating and attempting to change my husband until he looked like a little boy being punished’.
Second article ‘sorry I keep sleeping with your boyfriends but um, I just act like myself and take an active interest in the things they do and shazzam, we fuck. Sorry about that, so sorry’.
It’s easy Not to nag when you are the mistress, too busy fucking. You don’t really have time for that.
If one of these dudes would just see what a diamond she is and put a ring on it, I think she would make a fabulous wife. She gets it. She just doesn’t know she gets it. Because other women say things like “she needs help”, or worse, “she needs a slap”. Go team (sarcasm)
So…Can anyone really and rationally tell me you know exactly how much time you have on this planet? And that (if for some reason you can) that you have definitely been granted some good quality ‘spare’ time to nag and control your husband. The man you chose to marry and share a life with. 
Life, as I know it, is too short to freak out over muddy boots or beers with the boys.
You want more time with your man? Buy a case of beer, make a pot of chili and have everybody over on game night. Wives included. Be the damn change you want to see. Practice kindness at every opportunity. Please believe me when I say, being kind feels so much better than being right. Besides, he doesn’t really think you are right, he just wants some peace. No one is winning here.
I think margarine and diet coke are the fruits of the devil. I won’t buy them, but past a quick explanation as to why they are really bad for you, I don’t have a hissy fit if the man I care about choses to imbibe. His body is not my body. It’s not mine to control.

We had a pretty big war over the owning of slaves, we all collectively decided it was a bad idea. So why treat your marriage like that?

That being said the words ‘I love you’ can take many forms. “Fasten your seatbelt”, “grab a hat its cold out”, “here is some butter”.
To me that is what marriage and relationships are about. Contributing to the well-being of another being of your choice, and the sex, and the snuggles.
Hold each other up, don’t tear each other down.
Happy wife happy life? Whoever thought that up should be slapped.
This rant is far from over, but I am over my word count…to be continued

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  • Alfa February 4, 2015 at 3:38 am

    Really relate to this post. 🙂

  • Cindy Spowart February 4, 2015 at 9:37 am

    love it! sorry, couldn’t stop reading your words to read the two articles you had read (i want your words first – stamps foot on floor like a child), so off to read those now. again, love it!

  • Sarah Zdybel February 5, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    i added a summation for continuity
    good articles though

    both a bit wordy for me but, that weight that gets lifted when you admit that you are wrong and want to fix it, tends to turn into a grand catharsis

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