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The Power (and Danger) of NO.

September 17, 2017

I don’t advocate violence, but I am running out of options…because words ain’t working.

Panda and I are both busy as fuck and thereby keep having to say no to superfluous plans.

Mostly those thrown at us by boys we have not met offline…yet.

Yet being the operative word. As in we would if we could but we can’t right now…okay?
They don’t think that’s okay.
I don’t think they’re okay.
Okay?

Okay so, Friday I worked a double. I got a small window in the middle to be home, longer than expected but not near long enough for someone who is used to having a lot of time to myself.

And just like that…
I only have enough time to mop the kitchen floor and pay one more bill before I roll back out.
Grateful for the unexpected reprieve.
Now where are my pants?

Never did find my pants, nor my work shirt. I made do.

As a result of said double on a Friday, my Saturday started out rather slowly. I experienced the bliss of sleeping in till 9:20 am. We are experiencing second summer and my ass was glued to the blue chair for the bulk of the morning. I heard the church bells chime noon and Panda poked her sleepyhead out onto the porch, and we sat some more.

Finally around 2, I was showered and we proceeded to take our cute selves out for breakfast before grocery shopping.

As we waited for our food, Panda flashed her phone in my direction and said “did I tell you about this guy?” she had not and proceeded to do so. As well as converse with him via text while I dictated the script.

Side note…

There was a man sitting next to us, alone eating breakfast. My adamant hope is that he goes back to the man cave and imparts the wisdom he overheard throughout the course of our breakfast to all the other men. It won’t happen, unless he is some underground blogger or has a million followers on twitter. But a girl can dream. I need a man to explain to other men, because when I try to do it it’s like I am speaking a dead language 90% of the time.

We all know what mansplaining is.
A guy talking over a woman and/or explaining the obvious and/or the dreaded “not all men” commentary.
Sadly, over the course of our lovely waffles, we stumbled upon a new subspecies/subcategory…
Manplanning
Wherein you politely and with logical reason turn a man down for immediate plans (opting for the ‘do something at a later date’ option) and they try to convince you to alter your plans to accommodate them.
As in “stop what you’re doing…do my thing that I want, then go back and do your original thing.”

Just as yucky.

She said: I don’t really feel like doing anything tonight, I want to stay home cook and have a ‘me date’ in sweatpants.

I said: So tell him that.

Like EXACTLY THAT.

The text went something like this

“I know this is going to sound weird because no one ever does this, but I literally feel like doing nothing this weekend, it has nothing to do with you. I am just trying this new thing called being honest.”

He took it well for like a whole minute, then he did this…

“Why don’t we meet for a drink earlier tn and then stay in?”
“There’s time for one drink later cmonnn lol then you can stay in”

DID SHE FUCKING STUTTER?

No.

He just decided that HE wanted to do a thing and she should accommodate him.

Nope, nuh uh.

Cut to the night before, I am at work. Cute guy comes up to the bar, we chat a little, he asks for my number. I contemplate it and tell him to come back later. It’s a wee test, see if he’s serious.

He comes back when it’s quiet, we talk a little more and ya, I gave him my number. Big mistake.

He comes back again as I am closing. I am lead bar, I have to account for every beer and all the cash and I have 3 newbies working with me.

He tries to come behind the bar because, in his opinion he “can close faster than me.”

Fuck you, get out, nuh uh, no fucking way.

I had no choice but to be rude to him.

I could have gotten fired had I indulged him in his conversation or had he stepped foot behind my bar. Not happening.

He then texts and calls me until midnight trying to get me to go out with him when I clearly stated I’d worked 18 hours and was going home and nothing would sway me otherwise.

There is both power and danger in the word no.

No should be a complete sentence, and it is, but it falls on deaf ears, deaf man ears it seems.

Now I am sure I will hear the opposite, wherein a woman kept pursuing a guy after he said no.
I know it happens, I have seen it.
It’s gross no matter who is doing it.

However

Childish Gambino has a bit in one of his comedy routines where he says “guys always have a crazy ex story, women don’t. Because if a woman has a crazy ex, she’s dead.” I know it is in the context of a comedy routine, but he goes on to say it’s not funny because it’s true.

As for online dating a man’s greatest fear is that the woman will be fat, a woman’s greatest fear is that she will be murdered.

This speaks volumes. And yet some men don’t hear it.

My ex messaged me today. As he does, whenever the mood strikes him, even though I have asked him to stop.

After I removed myself from said relationship I realized how one sided and draining it was. He embarrassed me and made damned sure to cut ties on his way out the door. Now he thinks it’s okay to still talk to me because he wants to. Never mind what I think.

This is why we need equality. This is why I am tired of being the weaker sex, the target, the one who gets disregarded and spoken down to but “it’s okay honey, he just does that because he likes you.”

So we are taught as women to hide behind excuses, to not speak our minds because it’s safer to appease the male ego?

How is one person’s ego more important than my safety?

No it isn’t fucking okay.

No shouldn’t be a challenge.

Just no.

 

 

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