I was at a wedding yesterday.
My chosen family made it official.
T’was amazing. Good food good friends good times.
Exciting blog post so far huh?
It gets weird. Promise.
The whole thing took place in a ghost town. Not a real one, just mine.
I keep trying to shake it, but I am seriously ghost-ridden.
I have a young priest and an old priest, but I need them to show up and fuck me harder (jesus), I want this outta me please. Maybe I need to find Constantine. I’m getting lost in this haunted house.
The wedding was in the neighbourhood where I had a date with Young Un 3-point-oh-I cannot for the life of me remember what nickname I gave him, this is a good omen. I got a little verklempt, nothing I couldn’t handle. I am still chuckling over his explanation as to why he went poof. The boy that told me he wanted to jump in the trailer with me and drive to the west coast and just live happily ever after on the beach with me said I was being too intense. He said these things post first fuck (our 3rd date), a week before becoming invisible. Ima call that irony.
Where was I? Oh aye. Spectacular spectres. Pretty poltergeists.
Ghosts floating about, but only in my own head. My memory is… my memory could solve the energy crisis if I could somehow figure out how to harness an iota of the power of the damned thing. Provide visual stimuli? I am transported to heaven or hell depending.
Once upon a time I had a vision of going to said wedding with Him. The Hulk. The groom was the one who introduced us. It was a good vision as it occurred, it felt solid and real.
It wasn’t, at least not in this universe…parallel perhaps.
In this universe I went alone.
Another wedding guest, a woman who I had met in passing many times, ended the night by telling me she loved me.
Random, but understandable…Love was in the air and she had tequila in her belly methinks so it wasn’t too weird.
She caught me alone on the stoop a few hours earlier and asked about the Hulk, if’n I had his new number.
I do. I think I am 7 of 9 he sent it to.
It occurred to me afterwards, what would have happened if I didn’t, but that was never in her realm of possibilities.
She and I chatted, she asked if I was going to visit. It would have been easy for a normal person to lie, those are the acceptable ones, the lies of “I’m fine”. I AM NOT FUCKING FINE. I chuckled (choked) and said ‘no, I can’t handle it’. I said, “If he needs me he just has to send a distress call and I would go get him. He knows this”. This beautiful red headed woman in a beautiful cocktail dress, sitting on the steps with me outside of the wedding reception held my hand and told me in the most matter of fact voice, “you are just going to love him forever.” She was telling the truth. She also told me it’s okay, this is also the truth.
He and I talked before he left. We went back to the restaurant where we had our first date. I wanted to close the circle. I half-jokingly stated that I would beat up his new girl if she dared hurt him. Bullshit bravado, I am bigger than her. He said no, she was taller, but I am stronger. I argued that she was probably stronger than I as she was probably hauling hay bales yesterday and for me it had been years, he said quietly, with a tiny grin, ‘no, not strong like that’.
There it is.
I’m not near as strong as everyone thinks I am.
Today I am a wreck, and that is okay too.
Being haunted means not being alone.