Here comes another Mercury retrograde.
Daddy is leaving us for a bit.
He is going to pull way back and prepare for launch.
Life is one big amusement park. And Mercury retrograde is the long, sweaty maddening line before the ride.
At Universal Studios they try to make the lines interesting, the same storylines getting played on repeat on multiple screens at certain points while you wait, they glitch and loop until you think you might go a little nuts. The closer you get to the ride the more they make you panic the story and instructions become more intense.
I’ve ridden this before, not panicking this time.
Also, akin to Universal, you can play with your phone at certain points but sometimes it needs to get tucked away or it worked in this corner but won’t work in that one.
I am trying to figure out my best course of action based on past events.
I have had some colossal fuck ups and meltdowns during retrogrades past. I thought I could use my platinum “daughter of Hermes” card with my sun sign being ruled by this giant hunk of iron and my house of communication and my house of house and home, yep. Mercurial.
I think I just made things worse thinking I could bend the quicksilver rules. That shit is poison when handled incorrectly. Things I held sacred that I dropped (Audioslave)
I will try to abide my father’s voice in absentia as he wanders backwards in the sky and fucks shit up by leaving.
How am I going to be an optimist about this? B^STILLE.
Better yet how do I not fuck shit up?
First and foremost, it’s only 22 days. They seemingly stretch on for years as piece after piece of the puzzle goes missing and messages get sent out and never returned. That’s the hard part for me. The lack of communication. See above where my Mercury is in Gemini, twice as chatty. Fucking answer me already. “I’ve said my piece/peace and counted to 3” (Oh Brother, Where art Thou?)
I swear there is actually a shadow phase pre-retrograde and my phone is already chillin in the darkness. Almost missed a night out because my phone was being a withholding prick with messages. Chatting away with the Giant about his triumphant return from Scotland, totally taking advantage of his jet lag and belly full of scotch to extract truth out of him like pulling lilies out of the dirt, and yet the viable plans I had?
Nothing came through.
It worked itself out, down to the wire, but we got it and it was good amen.
The world wouldn’t have ended if I didn’t go out last night.
The world doesn’t end even when I wish it would or believe with all my might that it’s HAPPENING AGAIN. Versions of it collapse in on themselves and birth new ones just like I collapse in on myself get up with my skinned knees and gravel filled palms and keep going somehow. Things that were paramount once upon a time have become hiccups and bumps in the road.
Now is a time to re-examine, re-read old lessons and learn. This is the one time nostalgia and memory lane are the best places to visit.
No big travel plans. We are already in line, no line jumping.
Finish up old projects and do not start new. Just wait, use this time to reflect and finish your shit.
Back everything up.
Then really all there is to do is sit back and accept the crazy.
Everyone is going to feel a little off, things will go missing, texts won’t go through. Just roll with it baby.
In the amusement park of life, I chose the rollercoaster.
Got stuck on a less than merry-go-round for a bit but I jumped off, of course I skinned my fucking knees, but I heal.
I keep going back to that exhilarating ride of higher than fuck highs, crazy drops, twists that rattle my bones and sometimes the long arduous climb that proceeds one of those falls that wakes the butterflies in my belly.
Look Ma, I am climbing.
Sometimes the ride gets stuck. The world doesn’t end, we just wait.
Time passes whether we are worried about it or not.
Nothing is on my timeline. I don’t get to dictate the when. Just the what.
I prayed for rain. Thunder and lightning specifically and it started the day the Lumberjack left the province, the weatherman is calling for 5 more days of sky tantrums. It stops the day he comes back into my time zone.
I got my rain.
A praying mantis lit upon the porch today. My son found it and called me in that voice where I dropped everything and ran to him. I saw her and smiled, he named her Sally, said she guarded our house now.
I realized something…I can abide the rules.
My book starts with a praying mantis landing on a girl on a porch. It is time to revisit this and finish the thing. That chapter of my life needs to be finished, sent to an editor and closed.
I don’t have to start anything new. I’m already in line for what I want.
I did get a new job, like a big girl grown up job, but under the wire on starting new adventures.
I am smitten with someone I met way before Mercury even thought about spinning backwards into the cold dark night. So I am good there.
The big move is out of the way, house settled into.
Life is good.
Now is a time for finishing things, polishing the silver and hoping the Titanic doesn’t go down. I know where the life rafts are and there is room for 2 on the headboard.
It may not be my magnetically propelled launch preference when it comes to rollercoasters, but I think this climb around I will just sit back relax and enjoy the view, I know the fall is coming and it is going to be spectacular.