Once upon a time farm hubby decided we were gonna wait 3 months before we had sex. Like date proper, really get to know each other and see if we actually liked each other.
Okay.
We did, or close, like maybe 2 months and 3 weeks. Good call, by the time we got around to it I was pretty smitten. I mean I stayed for 7 years, mostly, through quite a bit of heinous fuckery most foul. Longest relationship I’ve ever had to date. I would draw a correlation and I still might, but…
We all know what happened there. And truth be told that was a 7 year itchy dry spell. Sex was not a huge part of the relationship, and for me it needs to be. It’s one of my love languages, touch, and it’s a biggun’. It wasn’t one of his, so 3 months of waiting was torture for me and a cakewalk for him.
I’m not generally a waiter. I see someone shiny and vibey and this guttural voice sounds in my head “I want that one.” I think the grunting voice belongs to my vagina and head and heart know better than to argue so they follow along.
Also I have been a practising cougar for a while now. I know better than to try and “date” anyone in their 20’s.
And that 28-32 year old window is a dangerzone where they want kids and wives and no thanks. So ya. Logic and circumstance and my choices dictated everything be casual. And it was, and it was pretty good, amen.
Cruz and I banged on the first date and I woulda put money on never seeing him again, but he kept showing up with flowers and food. He was 25. It didn’t make sense, but it was good for a bit. So there goes that theory.
I kinda fucked up with Young Un the First and wanted a title 4 months in. That was 5 years ago and I had no idea what I was doing. Lesson learned and not to be repeated. He treated me more like a proper girlfriend than most of them, might’ve continued if I hadn’t gotten greedy. I get it now.
I have also been pretty allergic to the idea of being in a traditional relationship. I still have wars in my head about it. There were a couple that seemed viable.
3 in the last 5 years.
One I jumped into bed with pretty quick, like 3 weeks and a handful of dates and it was over pretty quick. No fault on either of our parts, circumstances dictated he had to go away. But maybe…nah, I know what went wrong there.
(Biker Body Pillow reminded me it took me almost a year to get over that one and I almost went back.)
One courted and wooed me for over 2 months intermittently, and in retrospect I shoulda held my ground a bit longer but, he was delicious. King of the Fuckboys come to find out, but delicious. Fuckboys usually are the yummiest of all the snacks. He was my 3rd round of lightning sex. It’s rare but it happens. It isn’t mystic, I’ve had mystic/cosmic….but he was definitley electric.
And the Last One. I mentioned that he messaged the minute I sat my road weary, traumatized ass on the couch after the 3 day drive back from Newfoundland. I swear he knows things, slightly psychic and the thread is still there. I feel the pull every now and again. He pursued me for a year, like a full calendar year before I agreed to meet him. I flat out refused to fuck him on our first date even though he drove a 10 hour round trip to hang out with me for 6 hours.
Two weeks later he did the drive again and after much discussion about waiting longer, we both had some vodka and caved. Lightning sex round 2. He likes to remind me it was September 22nd, he remembers everything and yet… He likes to remind me of the fact that he remembers everything too. He was gone by October 6th, I haven’t forgotten that part.
I don’t think he bailed because we slept together. But maybe… it’s a thing that happens.
But there is proof to the contrary in Giant, who I fucked on the second date, and he was still in my life 2 and a half years later.
Big Spoon also politely and insistently asked me out for a full year. I refused because
1. I’d briefly dated a co-worker of his and
2. because I ended up getting a job where he worked
3. he was really young and
4. a myriad of reasons.
We waited awhile and he is still good to me to this day.
And he was the only one from home who remembered when I was coming back and checked on me. He asked me out proper when I got home. I’m not going, I don’t have time, but it was nice to be asked. It is the one year anniversary of our first date. Facebook memories showed me. But again, young and not viable. He likes to remind me I have spoiled him forever with how I do things. Nah babe, just set the bar higher, I was never his girl.
I am wondering if I will ever be anyone’s girl. I’m wondering if I care.
I am tired of waiting for them to smarten up and realize what they have lost. Time to earn it instead, harder to drop something you had to work for I suppose.
They all love me after I leave and for that I have to be gone and it seems rather counterproductive and really unfair to me.
I have made some decisions and a new rule.
60 days. Be consistent, hang out with me, text and check in and then maybe we will see about the sex part.
I am busy, I have shit to do and I am tired of one night stands.
Next time my princess parts yell out that they ‘want that one’, Ima remind her, good things come to those who wait.
I think I could have wrote that … and I’ve come to the same conclusion!
You’re starting to sound rather mature with this delayed gratification plan, especially given that you’ve been pretty clear about how loud those princess parts can yell. That said, I look at the times I jumped in quick and the score on whether that was a good decision seems to be about 50-50, but then so is the one for waiting maybe too long. So, clothes on or off, we pays our money and takes our chances.
The more I hear about The Giant, the more I think that whenever he does decide to settle down some woman is going to be very lucky. Assuming that’s not you, I hope he consults with you in case you see red flags he’s ignoring. I suspect that a good cougar-ex might have saved my young self from a mistake or two, if I’d had the sense to listen.