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Ex-pat

January 6, 2015
I have been here before.
I had a lovely layover here once. No exploring, I had to catch a flight back to hell.
And once, I was bound, gagged, thrown in the back of a truck and dropped in the wastelands of Polyamory. It took months of struggle and a ninja to help me claw my way out, I remain forever changed by my time there.
In the way some veterans of certain wars feel drawn to return to the beaches they stormed,
I had to go back.
I packed a bag, and booked a flight in. I got my shots and brought snacks, bought a map and everything. Eyes open, eager to explore and a willingness to stay here should it suit me. Truth be told I was looking to buy real estate.
Something funny happened when I arrived. I love the locals, more than my own people. I feel accepted, and I can breathe. Their confidence and customs make absolute sense to me. The language here sounds like music. The landscape seems familiar, like déjà vu. The water tastes better, sweeter somehow, the way the sun feels just right on my skin, warmth without burning. But in spite of all of this, I cannot shake my own monogamy.
Don’t worry, I won’t get any on you. It’s MY monogamy after all. Like my tattoos, my choice, and not even remotely contagious. It is no different than me moving to America, my soul is happy there, but I will still be fundamentally Canadian, always throwing extra vowels into words, driving politely and having to convert winter temperatures into Celsius because it makes more sense in my head.
I have to carve out a niche for myself in the land of Polyamoury. One who embraces the customs of this place with all of my heart and remains monogamous to a poly partner.
This is not about giving up or giving in. The old adage about loving yourself before you can truly love someone else is the truth. I used to fuss about that phrase, but I never really liked myself all that much. I do now. The holes in my soul were and remain, my own to fill, I no longer see a reason or need to jam somebody else into them. I accept everything about me and love every bit of it. And I can now love others the same way, absolutely everything, polygamist tendencies included. Love is not ownership and sex isn’t love. Love is a state of being and mine (should I chose to give it to you) is unconditional. You can sleep with whomever you like, I chose not to. Simple.
It remains to be seen how I will be perceived in this place. Will I be considered a Golden Ticket? I already won the Cougar Olympics, so I am used to that. Will I be considered a traitor to both sides, I am bisexual too, so I am used to that as well. Could I be an ambassador perhaps? That sounds about right.

authour’s note
this was written about Astro Boy aka Young Un
there is a preamble available on my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/themonstersinmybed

 

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  • AnnaDoll B May 30, 2015 at 9:15 am

    Thank You for Being You.

    • sexloveandgrace May 30, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      thank you for saying this

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