Mercury stations direct today.
It is a glorious day.
Life starts again.
Truth be told I tried my best to stay quiet the last 18 days. There was cosmic fuckery afoot and I know to just duck and cover. Don’t make any big life plans or purchases, expect communication breakdown etc.
I got put in Facebook jail at the onset and I was not surprised. Irritated as fuck, but not surprised.
More truth be told…
I have been trying my best to be quiet and in a holding pattern of my own design since October 6th.
The day he left.
He left prior, he lives far. But he wasn’t gone, he was still with me, texting goodnight and good morning, studying for tests about flowers, telling me about his day, listening to me about mine.
He wasn’t mine yet, more holding patterns.
But we had consummated our desires at least.
September 22nd, he remembered.
We both remember everything.
We were in the getting to know each other exploratory negotiation stages of things.
We were both holding back.
He came back.
“Did you miss me?” I asked.
“You have no idea.”
Oh honey, I do.
He also said that I didn’t deserve his ‘shit’.
Oh honey, hush. I was made for this.
You see…I don’t see any shit. Just a war boy at war with himself.
I see a beast, not a burden.
Did I ever tell you the story of my mother and my grandmother?
I must have, it is my favorite story, my matriarchal legacy.
Both my father and grandfather went to war. Both my mother and grandmother waited for them.
My father saw my mom and knew right away she was the girl he was going to marry.
The love between my grandparents was so strong that his family had a pact when he came home from Europe to keep him hidden from my grandmother for as long as they could, if she knew he was home, she would take him and they would never see him again. I think they managed for a week or two before my grandmother came to claim her man. It is told in light, but rooted in truth.
My father went west when he got home. My mother waited for him to come to his senses and then she just went and got him. Drove across the country to claim hers and brought him home. But the way he looks at her, she is his home.
I have heard these stories told over and over since I was little.
And I have been yearning for mine all my life.
I come from beautiful, prevailing love, it is in my blood.
My mothers and their mothers were shield maidens, powerful women. And what good is a shield maiden without a war boy? Where would I put all this love? I have been tending to my own empty house long enough.
For a war boy to exist and thrive there must be someone to love and someone to hate. Otherwise there is nothing to fight and nothing to fight for. No rest, no respite. They need to protect and be protected. Somewhere safe to come home to else they live in the battlefield. There has to be balance, sanctuary.
I will keep you calm and you will keep me safe.