Beautiful Creatures

November 30, 2017

The compulsion is back.

It never really left.

Panda has gifted me with some time alone and this new chair I have for my desk is not comfortable.
I have to get up and drag my sad ass to the couch.
I have to buy a new chair.
Also I am sick of looking at my clothes.

I have been home for days and the remnants of my trip, the unpacking, has yet to leave my bed. Chipping away, slowly.

I am on auto pilot.

I have written probably 6000 words in the last few days. I cannot stop, I don’t really want to.

I met a boy.

When my ears heard Swain, my mind said Wate.

A quiet bell of recognition rang out. Took me a few days to place it.

Ethan Wate: There’s no way that what Lena and I feel for each other is going to turn into something wrong and evil. There’s no way.

Macon Ravenwood: As long as I live I will never understand you creatures. You have no real power, you live at the mercy of forces outside of your control and yet you believe that what you feel, will somehow make it alright.

There it is.

Anyone following up until this point knows I have a rather embarrassing and prolific love for supernatural teen romance. Warm Bodies, City of Bones and ya the evil that is Twilight.
But in reality, I simply have a fondness for movies wherein they figure it out at the very end.
Garden State, Silver Linings Playbook and Notebook come to mind.
They wait, they miscommunicate and then suddenly everything is okay.



I watch these movies. 90 or so minutes for one moment. The end.

I have a few that top the rest. Where lightning strikes at the end and after a maddening build the promise of happily ever after begins and the credits roll.

If you haven’t seen Beautiful Creatures and you want to, now is the time to stop reading. There are 400 other posts in here without spoilers, read them instead.

It’s a star-crossed love story, aren’t they all?

I mentioned it to him when we were lying in bed. “There was a boy and there was a witch”. I didn’t say any more than that, one of us smiled and the other came in for a kiss. We must have kissed a thousand times in one day.

I watch these movies that I have seen one hundred times before and I know the moment is coming. I feel the build, my synapsis stand at attention, my mouth curls up or down depending. It’s like a rush really. Funny how I can see something over and over and it still elicits the same response, the same rush of emotions. I am addicted to feeling things. With the ones I mentioned before, it is almost always at the end. But in Beautiful Creatures there are two such moments.

In the middle when everything is a mess and they have been forced apart, he comes. Breaks through a barrier meant to keep them separate delivering an eloquent speech about everything he has been through to get to her and poof, blockade gone. It satisfies me. I like the idea of someone trying instead of giving up. As he holds her, a witness says “It’s not us who protect her now. It’s the boy.”

Thunderpunch to the heart.

I want to feel that safe, that wanted.

And for a while, everything is alright. Until it isn’t. Wouldn’t be a very watchable movie without some kind of conflict now would it?

A curse has to be broken.

She makes him forget everything about them, to keep him safe.

“There are many ways a person can die.”

“We don’t have words for all there is.”

And in the end, when he has been forced to forget her, he breaks through a spell again and remembers.
Calls her name and she hears him.

My chest is forced to expand and my heart just grows you know?

Ethan Wate: Most people spend their entire lives waiting for a moment that’s gonna change everything. It never happens.

I disagree.

It happened.

Now I am in the vexing part where I don’t know what to do or what is going to happen next. I haven’t seen this movie before because, despite all the beauty and the moments and the damn fine dialog, this isn’t some neat and tidy thing that gets wrapped up in a satisfying bow after 90 minutes. This is my life.

Amma: Close your eyes, say with your mind what you’re looking for as if you’ve already found it.

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  • Anonymous November 30, 2017 at 1:53 pm

    You deserve to feel safe and be taken care of. Your words make me miss the man I call my home.

    • sexloveandgrace November 30, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      i have never felt loss quite like this. i am walking around hollowed out. i am sorry you lost your puddin.

  • Anonymous November 30, 2017 at 1:53 pm


  • Robert Wertzler November 30, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    Somehow, today, I’m not getting email notifications from Word Press – have to check if they got turned off some how or are getting caught in my webmail server’s spam filter. So, I had to come looking to see if you had a new post. In view of the subject here, I have to say that is true, no kidding. There is that dream of an encircling of two sets of arms that is safe harbor, a fortress proof against any assault by human, nature, or time. Whether with that boy or some other, may you find it.

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