Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger

January 6, 2016


You are a child of god, your playing small doesn’t serve the world. ~ Marianne Williamson

Be who you were meant to be and you will set the world on fire. ~ St. Sienna

Sarah, you are bigger and better than them, than this, they don’t deserve you. You are meant for greater things. ~ Leah

Since I was 16, I always saw you as a goddess I can’t understand these men that don’t.  ~ Blake

You have only realised how gorgeous you are when everyone else saw it way sooner… There is an innocence attached to that which makes you golden. ~ Iain

I don’t feel golden Iain. I don’t feel like a goddess Blake.

And Leah, Jesus.  She promised me I would never see her mad, except when she is mad at the world on my behalf. She’s pissed. Her sword is ablaze. Mine is in a box somewhere. She scared me a bit in that moment. I’m afraid I am scared of my potential.

I can’t fight the world right now. I don’t want to. I told you before, I had enough fighting to fill 7 lifetimes and it just left me feeling shitty and ashamed.

I can’t fight with myself anymore either. There are days like today where I feel small. And I want it. I want to be insignificant. I want a normal life and a normal man who looks at me and sees ordinary. No need to run or hide. Just plain old me.

These men I let in are not chosen lightly. I see something in them. I see souls.

“They know you are better than them and that you will leave, so leaving you is easier” she says. It never occurred to me to leave. Why am I not offered a choice here? “It’s not the absence of a thing that gets you, its having a thing and the loss of it I am talking about” ~ Cold Mountain.

All I see is the good parts, they see shit. In themselves, not me. It’s the good ones that leave, the bad ones stay and feed.

I used to think I was shit. I was half wrong. I was shit but I had potential. Somehow that’s all I see when I look at them.


I wrote that on my son’s birthday.

Only the first line is a thing, and I didn’t even write it.

I say it a lot. I said it to Our Sara of Lords today.

In this year of our Lord 2016 I finally swallowed it and realized how sweet it is.

I get bigger and better. The people around me get bigger and better.

I get treated bigger and better and they find bigger and better in themselves.

I said to a boy 3 days ago, “No one can come to you without being able to handle you at your full potential.” I need to amend that. They NEED you to be your huge beautiful powerful self. You aren’t protecting anyone, you have to do right by them by doing right by you.

I had to have an awkward conversation today. With my present. It’s not always easy, knowing what is going to happen. Being fed storylines that zig and zag in fits and starts like Memento. I do really need some sticky notes.

This whole being psychic thing is a major pain in the ass somedays. I think I was having one of those days when I wrote the above the line, up there. Got some news I didn’t want to hear. Like the day I saw a dead doe when I knew Gelfling was gone. Or the day the message came through the internet ocean and I had to let the Poet go. They are gone. I am still here. Loving, being loved. With more purity and enthusiasm than I am used to. A girl could grow to love this.

A girl could grow so accustomed that she would never settle again. That is a thing. My thing.

I have 3 men in my life that treat me like I am sacred, because I am. And as of today they are all saying thankee sai to the others. Sofa king fucked up, but I am over here grinning like the Cheshire cat, with wings.

I have people in my life that know when it’s me talking and when I am channeling from the ether, and they listen intently regardless.

We are still in the first week of the new year, and I am evolving rapidly and bringing my present with me.

I have no desire to be normal. I have every desire to be me.







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