Biker Body Pillow

April 5, 2015


And lo there was a blinding light and a BIG ba-da boom.
And there appeared unto the girl an Angel of the Lord, bearing good tidings and shit. In a great booming voice he spoketh unto her and this is what he said…

“Hey Dummy, whatcha readin’?”

“’Salem’s Lot”, she replied, and lit another cigarette.

“Again?” he inquired.

“Yep. You gonna fold your wings and stay awhile? Want some coffee?”

“No thanks Mama, you are almost out of milk”. He folded his wings and sat on the couch. “That ‘alone’ quote has been making the rounds again I see”.

“Seriously, you Angels sit around and look at Facebook?” she marked her place and chuckled into her coffee.

Wim Wenders had it right in Wings of Desire, we watch, it’s what we do. All y’all just made it easier. Mark Zuckerberg gets preferential treatment once he makes it up here. How does it make you feel?”

“Mark Zuckerberg…I dunno, kinda go human go. Or did you mean being watched? A little creeped out, but safe I guess. Welcome to my juxtaposition, I live here.”

“No, No, the quote Dummy.” He rolled his eyes.

“Alone. Yes, that’s the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn’t hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym.”― Stephen King
(sourced via https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/90835-alone-yes-that-s-the-key-word-the-most-awful-word )

“I rarely argue with the King. But honestly…I don’t agree.
I’ve been to hell and I wasn’t alone. I dunno, been alone for over a year now, for all intents and purposes. S’okay I guess, except for the times I feel trapped and abandoned. That’s my hell, ‘trapped’. Abandoned isn’t great either but I am pretty sure if someone walks it’s not my fault. Alone is okay, I got this.”

And the Angel of the Lord cleared his throat (which sounded like a symphony by the way)

“To quote George Bluth ‘you’re just a turd out there.*’ We can’t watch this anymore, you are fucking flailing. You survived, you made your point, now stop being so fucking stubborn. You are not now, nor were you ever meant to be a cat lady. Look at you for fuck sake’s. When was the last time you had a meal that wasn’t cake or a sandwich or another cup of coffee and a smoke? I bet if I go look in the dryer it’s full of sweatpants, and not the cute ones neither. You are on this shitty loop, looking like Ada Monroe in Cold Mountain, crying in bed, hands stained with ink, waiting…if Ada Monroe had jogging pants.”

She rolled her eyes in grand frustration tinged with embarrassment. “So it’s back to settling then is it? Got another meat puppet lined up to suck the life outta me with his lack of imagination and bland sex, did that, never going back again. I want magic.”

The eye rolling competition heated up, “What is it with you? Why does your pendulum only swing to the extremes? Look, I brought you something. You will just know it when you see it. Now, do what thou wilt, but don’t be a dummy Dummy, mmmm’kay?”

And lo, what doth appear in her inbox? A Biker Body Pillow.

For a girl who stripped as long as I did, I met like 3 and a half bikers, Ever. Everything I know about bikers I learned from Sons of Anarchy, which I took with a box of salt, since it’s fucking fiction.

One of the 3.5 messaged me a few weeks ago. Off to lunch we went, had nachos. Why is it always nachos? Nachos are my jumping off point.

So we chatted. He was having some love troubles, we hadn’t seen each other or spoken in 6 years except a random run in 10 towns away last year. And as if by some magic, the night after my heart broke, he came to check on me, and stayed the night.

No sex, just up all night talking and taking turns being the big spoon.

Operation Human Shield.
“If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
Snow Patrol ~ Chasing Cars

Giant Tattooed self aware bikers make the most wonderful blankets. Especially giant tattooed self aware bikers who just had their hearts stomped on too. it’s funny this feeling of being absolutely devastated and feeling lucky as fuck simultaneously, never felt this way, or anything close to it. It’s beyond strange but so am I.

I wish I could patent this shit, I really do. Every girl who ‘cannot even’ needs one of these.
6’4” tattooed and snuggly. He reminds me to eat, bathe, get out of the house, slow dances with me in the library. I feed him cookies and scrambled eggs and notice when he has been to the gym. We watch movies and talk on the phone like teenagers. He is having a hard time too, so we say the things that can’t be said, about they who will not be named. Yin and Yang. I give him girl eyes and he gives me man logic. Win fucking win.

I have never had any luck getting over someone by getting under someone else, I just get crushed again, I need to be weightless.
But having someone beside me, is a gift from God.


* from Arrested Development. I really wanted to use this quote to describe someone else, not me. But if the shitty shoe fits…








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  • Pete April 18, 2015 at 11:35 am

    If I ever direct a movie, I need you to write the screenplay. This is fucking epic! I love it!

    • sexloveandgrace April 19, 2015 at 11:25 pm

      i am a really lucky girl. i have so many good people in my life. you included.

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