Never have I ever.
Never have I ever been to a destination wedding.
Never have I ever shot a destination wedding.
Never have I ever been to Mexico or anywhere far really.
Never have I ever been in the Caribbean Sea.
Never have I ever been bitten by a cockatoo.
But that is another story for another day.
Also, never have I ever slow danced with a boy at a wedding. It was extra amusing because on the other side of the pavilion Danielle was there and for a minute I was transported back to all the school dances where I sat alone (or sometimes with her) when the slow songs came on.
I felt like I was getting some kind of closure or cosmic do-over.
It was a really beautiful night.
I wanted to stand up at the wedding and say things, but my shyness stopped me.
I am both better on paper and terrible on paper depending on the context.
This is better.
6 years ago at a Lodge far, far away I sat in Muskoka chairs next to a rather lovely fire pit and hashed things out with a girl I met when I was 7 years old.
Through the magic of Facebook she found me.
And when she mentioned coming to the place I was working for a weekend with her man, I agreed, but with panic. I was at the beginning of my becoming…panic was a daily occurrence. But I agreed.
We didn’t have the easiest go in public school. I have long described it as a totem pole with Kim at the top then the 2 Christine’s, then Elizabeth with one spot left at the bottom, which I fought her for as often as the opportunity presented itself, otherwise I was alone on the playground.
And that really sucked.
What sucked even harder was how I treated her.
I bullied her and I knew it.
I told her so the minute our asses hit the chairs around that fire pit.
She said she knew and she forgave me.
And in doing so she allowed me to make peace. I am forever grateful.
That was also when I met her now hubby, I will get back to that in a second.
It is hard to put into words the women we have become. Polar opposites from the shy outcasts we were. I had the added joy of being here with 50+ of their closest friends and witnessing how loved and accepted and valuable she is to everyone around her.
She is the center everyone gravitates to and she is loved beyond measure.
She also lives a life that makes me tired just hearing about it. Involved in everything, never sits down and manages to hold it all together. She is fearless and motivated and it is starting to rub off on me.
I still panic sometimes. This very trip is something that would have quite easily had me spiralling out.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t because Danielle was in charge. She has grown into this fierce woman who has the ability to make everyone feel safe, entertained and cared for. I am blessed to have her in my life and to be here.
Back to Brian.
When I met him my first thought was ‘why is she with him?’ he seemed like he was made of stone, I couldn’t glean the slightest bit of personality out of him at all. I didn’t understand, but she seemed happy and I am aware that no one really knows the real intimacy between two people except the two people in the relationship.
Then I met him again, and realized he is made of stone, but in the best of ways. He is solid and strong and for as ‘in charge’ as Danielle is, he is her rock, she is stronger with him and it is a joy to witness.
She reads the blog to him. I wrote the Scorpio post a million years ago. She read it to him and felt understood. He is of that tribe and they are not easy to love, but so very worth it. She told me it made things ‘easier’ for her and it is the most sincere compliment I have ever received on anything I have ever written.
That goes for every conversation we have had.
We have so much history. It’s comforting.
We met at the age of 7, parted ways at 15 and came back together at 37.
The way she says my name sounds like home. And if you have been reading up until this point you know how precious that is to me. That feeling of belonging and acceptance.
Her life mirrors mine, all the mess and the muck and finally the becoming.
We fail and we fall and we get back up and keep living and loving.
In her I find support and validation for not becoming bitter.
In them I see the potential of two people to mesh so completely and beautifully together that you cannot imagine them apart.
Thank you for letting me be here and showing me what Is possible.