regular lust

Puppets and Parallels

May 12, 2017


One time a thing occurred to me, what’s real and what’s for sale, blew a kiss and tried to take it home. Isn’t you isn’t me search for things that you can’t see, going blind, outta reach, somewhere in the Vaseline. ~ Stone Temple Pilots

Were the entirety of all 90’s grunge lyrics written using that magnetic poetry? You know the random words that you stuck on the fridge and made weird little haikus out of?

Seems that way.

Band names too. Just random words strung together.

In high school one of my best friends was in a band called 32 Free Portraits. They flipped open a random page in the phone book and picked the name based on a blind finger placement, landed on an ad for a photography studio. Always thought that was a good plan. Or lack thereof I suppose. Just let the universe sort it out.

Where was I going with this?

Oh ya. More Puppets.

Posted an article about love and puppets and how some people don’t like it when you cut the strings they jerked you around with.

About what a kindness it is to be broken up with in a clean and clear manner.

It is.

The first line of Vaseline got stuck in my head.

Something did occur to me.

I didn’t say everything I needed to say in that one article.

And here we are.

So um…Young Un the first had his first anniversary with his girl the other day. I liked a few things on his Instagram account, he liked a status of mine, door cracked open so I said hello. And congratulations.

Can anyone guess why I would do that?

No. No interest in banging him, coveting him or stirring up shit.

Try again…

I am happy for him. Genuinely so.

I am happy for all of them. Mostly.

And I will tell you why…

Because I am happy here. Where I am. And they were part of me getting here.
Also, just yay. Why not simply celebrate someone else’s happiness?

And again, to reiterate my previous statements, I had feelings for them, I cared about them. That state of being and how I felt didn’t stop because they stopped coming around. That’s ludicrous. If shit dissipates or morphs into hate so quickly and easily, it was never love to begin with.

Ya, I miss them. But I want them to be happy wherever they are.

I guess I took my ego out of it.

I saw an adorable sexually charged awesome back and forth between Habibi and his Pixie on his page yesterday. Made my heart happy. They love each other, it’s obvious. I love him too, as a friend. And isn’t a HUGE portion of what makes up a friendship the joy that is found in someone else’s joy?

To me it is.

People come and go. Let them.

There is nothing worse than forcing yourself to stay where you don’t belong. Especially if that ‘place’ happens to be in someone else’s heart.

There is literally no way to make someone love you if they don’t. And trying is an exhausting colossal waste of time.

Doesn’t matter if it is a lover, a friend or even a parent.

Be like Elsa and let it fucking go.

One line from the Gunslinger series always stood out to me, I mean a lot of them did, but this one makes frequent trips around my head when I am thinking on things.

“Go now there are other worlds than these.”

There was a boy, but there was no boy, but there was, but there wasn’t.

The Gunslinger goes nearly mad, as does the boy when a parallel universe gets a little too cozy with the one they exist in.

I know that feeling. Like I am supposed to be somewhere with someone, but not here. Not on this plane, and it sucks.

“I can still feel you there, are we tangled in time somewhere?” Armistice

That happens. Entangled particles. Invisible threads connecting us to the ones we love, parallel paradigms where we are together and it is all good amen.

Sometimes, if we get really lucky, the ones who leave come back. The first time wasn’t the right time and we get to try again. Just ask Pixie and Habibi.

But kicking and screaming, name calling and the blame game are all ego and no soul.

Do a little searching on your own. Don’t try to cram people into the holes in your psyche.
They won’t fit and they won’t stay.

You gotta have a soul if you want a soulmate.

Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.




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