GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
James Loewen wrote a book called Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong. He said, for instance, that during the Europeans’ invasion and conquest of the continent, it wasn’t true that Native Americans scalped white settlers. In fact, it was mostly the other way around: whites scalped Indians. Here’s another example: The famous blind and deaf person, Helen Keller, was not a sentimental spokesperson for sweetness and light, but rather a radical feminist and socialist who advocated revolution. I invite you to apply Loewen’s investigative approach to your personal past, Gemini. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to uncover hidden, incomplete, and distorted versions of your history, and correct them.
I chime in with a “haven’t you people ever heard of closing a god damned door?” Panic at the Disco.
My horoscope this week.
Of course it is.
I have been working all week and forgot (for the second time in 24 years) to look at it.
It wouldn’t have changed anything but I might have been better prepared for the influx of yuck.
Here I am determined as fuck about letting my past go and he is telling me to go back and look through the hot mess and find things worth examining.
I gave up on happy ever after, I stopped looking for love. I had to. It was let down after let down. Hurt after hurt. I knew better and I let them in anyways.
I opened the stable doors and let all the stallions out.
All the boys I was holding on hope for. Just fuck it, go, be free.
Some of them left without as much as a backwards glance. Others lingered doing their same dance with one foot in one foot out, but they’d always been that way. Hokey-pokey, I turned myself around.
I deleted numbers and conversation threads, did a righteous purge on my phone of screenshots and conversations, pictures…all of it, gone daddy gone.
It felt good actually, for a girl who is the equivalent of a human archive and encyclopedia of every cock I have ever sucked. T’was an accomplishment to just say boy bye.
What I forgot to do was close the god damned door.
I should know better, I lived on a farm, I had actual flesh and blood horses.
Always close the gate behind you and double check it and then the damned things will find a way out anyways if they put their minds to it, especially when the orchard is full of apples.
Where was I?
None of my lovers are ever forgotten, even when they’re long gone. Sometimes, most of the time, I can keep the nostalgia at bay. And sometimes it’s a tsunami hitting seemingly out of nowhere.
It is hurricane season. Shoulda known.
When the bing of a phone notification becomes an air raid siren heeding warnings. Storms comin.
I didn’t think it was gonna be easy.
What I did think was, once I set my mind to letting go, they would go willingly.
I underestimated the drawing power of the word NO.
Instead of allowing this to become a meandering post I’m gonna stop now deal with part two tomorrow.
A trilogy in 4 parts.
2. the other power of no
3. the 11 year itch
4. (no idea just yet)