I sat down to write something, anything.
Ended up finishing something about the titans coming.
It’s a mess, but so am I so I’ll post it.
They came. 2/3. I survived.
I’m tired and drained this week. Just doing the basics has been hard. I set my alarm for 5:30 -6 every morning and I haven’t been able to get up, much less write.
Fall has come, without the colors and just brought the damp and the rain that I keep getting caught in.
Last night was a Black Moon.
This has various connotations and definitions.
Happens every 32 months or so.
I don’t have a Facebook flashback app for that.
3 years ago it looks like I was doing decidedly ‘okay’, but 4 months after that…
hmmmmm, January 2014…I was becoming.
|Black Moon dates|
|2014||Jan 30||Second New Moon in a single calendar month|
|2014||March 30||Second New Moon in a single calendar month|
|2015||Feb 18||Third New Moon in a season with four New Moons|
|2016||Sept. 30||Second New Moon in a single calendar month|
|2017||Oct 21||Third New Moon in a season with four New Moons|
|2018||Feb||Calendar month without a Full Moon|
I wasn’t writing then. But I’d just had the idea to do so.
11 days earlier I had come back from Florida to find my house trashed, my dog sick and my plants dying.
I ended my last relationship.
For the reasons noted above.
I realized how capable I am, how I had really been doing everything on my own anyways and started giving myself some well deserved credit. And so began the journey of being comfortable in my own skin.
I started dating again, slowly, in the spring, March 30th if memory serves (and it does). Always picking men that were temporary. I had developed an allergy to commitment. I was a stripper and was thereby technically disposable too. Long-term was a dirty word fraught with peril, bankruptcy both financial and emotional, sexless and mind numbing. Alone sounded like Nirvana, and all told, it has been.
Two Black Moons later, I had become smitten with someone else and I was losing him, except I never had him. He is numbered among the titans. We started dating 2 years ago right around (exactly) now and it just wasn’t meant to be. I saw him last night. He’s back for a visit from the West.
We sat on my porch and I remembered loving him, I still do, he is a good man and a good friend.
Out loud, with him, I set my intentions.
I am not afraid anymore. It’s time.
He kept remarking on how happy I am.
It amazes me to see how much things have changed.
I am not the girl I was 3 years ago. I am her but version 4-point-oh-my-god look at us now.
I am smitten again. I am no longer a stripper and the idea of being nestled in a relationship with someone doesn’t make my skin crawl or break out in a rash. I have learned my lessons from relationships of yore and I no longer feel disposable, I am viable.
New Black Moon in Libra. Time to set intentions. Rob Brezsny http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/20160929.html came along and said…
Is it possible that you’re on the verge of reclaiming some of the innocent wisdom you had as a child? Judging from the current astrological omens, I suspect it is. If all goes well, you will soon be gifted with a long glimpse of your true destiny — a close replica of the vision that bloomed in you at a tender age. And this will, in turn, enable you to actually see magic unicorns and play with mischievous fairies and eat clouds that dip down close to the earth. And not only that: Having a holy vision of your original self will make you even smarter than you already are. For example, you could get insights about how to express previously inexpressible parts of yourself. You might discover secrets about how to attract more of the love you have always felt deprived of.
That was the last time I cried this week.
I am feeling that drag back, the one that precedes launch.
I had this idea last week to try and define the relationship I am in. We have spoken every day for 90 days. See each other as often as we can, and ya, I am smitten. I have also re-evaluated what it means to be with someone, I have become irreplaceable, confident and I know, no matter what the outcome I will be alright, I always am.
I’m not going to say anything after all, just going to let it all ride on black.