Sicut (Just As)

December 17, 2015



Psychopomp. A guider of souls.

I am that.

I am many things.

Psychic, witch, angel.

Conversations with the soldier, he says I protect people. We are the same in that way, I am not alone anymore. I have him fighting beside me.

He asked me why psychics never win the lottery. The answer is simple dearheart, I am unable to see anything about me. Good/bad/dangerous/safe. I can only see what is coming to those close to me.

Someone else read my future, I don’t get to stay. This I know.

I cannot protect myself either, I have an agreement with the universe, she sends me soldiers and lost boys, sometimes both in the same body, always bearing lessons.

I have to learn them, take all the pain so I know how to shield others from it. In return I get adventures without happily ever after. It’s alright.

I have things to teach and be.

The most relevant thing that I be at the moment is the Sister to All Women.

Some girl I have never met, I think her name is Christina, has been getting the weekend visits I was offered from the boy I wanted.

So now I don’t want him.

Well I kinda do, but my soul says no.

I have watched lesser women rip each other to pieces over lesser boys. I hate it when women compete. Stop honey, that is your sister and he is just a boy.

I’m trying to negotiate with the universe so she can keep him if she wants to. Having trouble establishing a timeline. I am hoping it was no more offside than … he saw me, I asked him out and he just had to try. I get that. I too, just have to try sometimes. Hail Mary passes et al.

I already know that isn’t true.

The lying? I cannot abide.

I should be fluent in Fuckboi by now. “I’m not coming home until after Christmas” loosely translates to “I’m 26 and don’t have the finesse to figure out how to keep 2 girls going just on weekends”.

His pedestal looks more like a footstool.

One date and one of the ugliest ‘poofs’ I have experienced as of late.
I put him in an article with Gelfling. The reigning Elven King of Cheesy Poofs. Now I know why.
They are the King and Prince of Neverwhere. They even look a bit alike.

At least I got a nice dinner out of it.

That is what I keep telling myself anyways.

Here is the thing. I had him in my house and I didn’t fuck him. I had to fight not to. I really him, from the second I saw him. Even more when he spoke. I liked the way he looked and the way he looked at me. I’ll tell you a secret, if he’d had me there wouldn’t be room for others.

When is a Fuckboi not a Fuckboi? Never, even when you don’t fuck them apparently.

Lesson learned.

During the collapse of the Dothraki Empire wherein I couldn’t figure out Drogo. There was nothing to figure out. Sicut.
I spoke to the Hulk. I wailed to my big green monster I said I felt disposable, only valued in absentia. He went through the list of things I ought not to do, fucking on the first date was on the list. It was the list.

The week before I was fussing at Young Un about the same damned thing. I said “I need to date a rock star or an athlete or something. Someone who has something more important than me so I can keep the things I love like my alone time and my crazed fits of writing.”
And copious amounts of sex, without rules, limitations and timelines. I fucked him before dinner and he is still around. Drogo too. It is part of who I am.

He said  the one I was seeing wasn’t good enough for me. That phrase is common amongst my friends, every time someone hurts me. I will concede to this way of thinking when someone conjures me a God, or an Angel.

I managed to manifest myself an athlete, who quickly became another pretty ghost with a pretty mouth. And I didn’t even get laid.

So I’m a necromancer as well, we have established that I only date the dead.
I don’t know if I would have the slightest clue what to do with a real boy.

I’m not exactly safe.

I am also Chaos. The thing all great changes are preceded by.

My work here is done. He doesn’t marry this one either. Sic erat scriptum.

Sic transit gloria mundi.







You Might Also Like

  • Brad K. December 18, 2015 at 12:54 am

    misceo in orbis terarum quod vos mos sto sicco

  • error: Content is protected !!