Prayer to the Sun Gods of February

February 18, 2017

I have had the fortune cookie app on Facebook since before they were called apps.

It’s been 8 years, I rarely get a new one anymore, but when I do I mark it well.

I am many things, one of them is superstitious.

I have no religion per say, but I have my horoscopes, fortune cookies, sage, I pray to the sun gods on cold winter days and I have ‘ghost chaser’ incense…not sure if it runs them off or calls them home. I think it is up to me.

My favorite virtual cookie came up this morning. “You have the power to write your own fortune”.

YES! What I speak and believe, I become.

This blissfully already blessed morning.

The sun is shining, the gods are smiling and it’s going up to 13 degrees Celsius, 55 Fahrenheit.

It’s February, I live in Canada. This is rare.

But it happens. It happened just before Greg died in 1994. We spent the day together, part of a roving band of teenagers walking down the main street of our tiny little town, all in awe of this gift from Mama Nature in the midst of a long cold winter. The sun pouring down on us, promises of summer. It was one of my better days on the planet.

A week later it was freezing again and my whole world changed, but that was such a good day.

It happened again later in the 90’s. I was a dancer then, the temperature went way up, the clouds came down and enveloped the world. All of Yonge Street turned into a mist coated wonderland, streetlights glowing through the fog. I remember walking with friends, no real destination, all of us laughing, thinking this must be what heaven is like, or the gateway to it.

There cannot possibly have been only 2 days like this in my 42+ years on this planet. But those are the two that spring to mind on days like today.
I know what happened, in the past, when I have gotten into relationships I lose my magic. I get mired down in the day to day, the drama, the stress and I lose myself.

Amendment, I know I did that.

Lately, I have been feeling/getting better about it.

These unseasonably warm days in February have traditionally been magical-portal-gifts from the gods days.
Something wonderful always happens that pushes me onto a new path.

I am already walking it.

I’ve already been trying a new thing called sticking up for myself.
I’m talking to an exceptionally beautiful boy.
This is when my submissiveness would kick into high gear.
I wouldn’t be able to hear my own thoughts over my vagina waling ‘want want want’.
This is about the time I would disappear.
What I really want is to be treated right.
What I want is someone/something to look forward to.
What I really want is good conversations, cuddles that turn into snugglefucks, silly selfies, mini adventures and sleepovers.
This is new for me and I am feeling awkward about it.

Our Sara of Lords said ‘I will ask for what you want or something better.’

Scratch that mama. I want what I want. No offense to the gods, but I am a big girl now, I got this.

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” Warsan Shire

On this blessed day of sun and warm, bring me sweetness.

And let it be glorious.


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